My Life is All Deja Vu

I go through routines of class then here..."home". I go through routines of talking to the same people and thinking about the same things. It's true, my life is all Deja Vu, but as my life went on, I rediscovered the people who made me WANT my life to be routine. I've partied a bit here and there on accident (yes, on accident) But it wasn't what I was doing or where I was at that made the time so amazing. It was who I was with. I'm feeling happy again. But then after they leave and I return to my cage of reality, and wait till the next weekend arrives. He knows I'm ignoring him and that things between us have faded, he asks me to reassure him, but I cannot. Within my bland answer of "uh huh" and blank expression, it should be clear to him. It's all clear to me. He can't comfort these tears any longer, so I hold them in. He can't answer my questions anymore, so I don't ask. And lastly, I waste my breath repeating statements he can't understand, so I hold my breath and hold them in until he sees all that I've wanted him to see. When that will be, I don't know. But I'll wait. No other guy has had the same mind as me nor the answers I've wanted and the water of dating isn't something I'm in the mood to test after years of testing. So I'll wait until I can be comfortable. I'll wait until I can hold on permanently with confidence.