I Was Going to be a Rockstar

It's been a sickness of mine for many years. From the simplest decisions to the most suspenseful questions, making up my mind has been the greatest struggle. It's funny how when we were younger, we could pinpoint and answer the frequently asked question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with a positive and exact response. When we were younger, we knew what our passion was, we knew what we wanted to do, and our pure hearts weren't clouded then. Well, as a nineteen year old, I can say that I would absolutely love to be five again.At age nineteen, I've jumped from career to career, hoping to stumble across something that I was positive I could do years and years without getting bored. I wanted something that could consume my life and give me a sense of fulfillment.At five, I had decided that I was going to be a rock star and singer when I grew up. I was going to perform on stage and have fans everywhere. Although I've slightly lived that dream when I performed with our high school rock band, Return the Trust, it's not the same. Due to stress and criticism, I've lost my voice. I now listen to pounds of music that my vocal chords just ache to create. But unlike when I was five, I know that's never going to happen. It's sad when we live in a world of fun new things to do and technology to entertain us, but all I can do when I'm alone and bored is sing of what I've been feeling the past week. My voice may not be the same melodic favorite of my friends, but it helps me get all that's been weighing on my mind, out in a string of music notes. I may never be a rock star or a favorite singer, but I'd do anything to think I could be. It seems like fooling myself lately  has been an impossible thing to achieve. However, one can never hide from reality too long. Not without the constant consumption of illegal drugs at least.